Back in early August I had my fiftieth birthday. There's nothing all that special or unique about that. Lots of people have turned fifty and lots will continue to do so. Yet, it is such an ingrained milestone in our culture that I could not help but do quite a bit of reflection. The primary thought running through my mind was, "I'm now beyond mid-life. I have way more runway in the rearview mirror now than I do looking forward." Assuming that I don't live to be 100 or older, this is true. But, what a negative and sobering thought!
I remember when my father turned 50. That was 36 years ago. I was not quite 14 at the time - just barely a teenager. He seemed so old! We had a big birthday celebration at my sister's place. It was clearly a big deal - a milestone to mark and celebrate. I couldn't comprehend the age of 50 yet alone relate to this milestone in any way. This memory has always stuck in my mind with respect to hitting the half-century mark. I think that this may be one of the reasons why I have been so taken aback about now hitting this mark myself. How can it be that I've been on the planet now for 50 years? 1973 seems so incredibly far away - a different world and a different time. So much has changed.
I've been thinking about what it means to be an "elder". Even that term seems to be a misnomer when I think about myself. How can I possibly be an elder? I've always been the "baby" in my immediate family - by at least ten years. Have I actually achieved a level of wisdom and perspective that comes with half a century of living? As I've thought about this, I think that the conclusion I must reach is yes, I have achieved a level of wisdom that I certainly didn't have even ten years ago let alone twenty or thirty. Yet, my self-image and identity are so tied up in my baby persona that it has taken me some time to realize that I am now one of the elders - both at work and even in my family. I don't feel great about the fact that it has been a bit difficult for me to realize and accept this.
As the summer went on and turned into fall, my new status as a 50 year old started to sink in. There were more changes at work with some additional people retiring. This has now left me as one of the oldest people in my immediate work team and one of the elders within the corporate division I work in. At the beginning of October a colleague that I had been working with for around ten years (and who was ten years older than me) retired. This was when things really sunk in for me at work. I'm now in a position that I could not imagine when I first started my career. Perhaps now I'm one of "those old guys" that are causing problems and holding progress back! I don't know if this is the case or not. I know that I used to complain about stuck in their way old farts that I perceived as not adding value when I was one of the "new boys". Oh how things come around with time! The hypocricy!
There are two things that I have started to think about more: 1). Maintaining my health; 2). When I will retire. Health maintenance is perhaps the more important of the two right now. I had an increased level of cholesterol during a checkup in the summer of 2022. Exercise helped to bring this down to a normal level which was confirmed when I had my latest checkup in the summer of 2023. Just the risk of increased cholesterol and all of the bad things that potentially come with that is enough to motivate me to keep exercising. Doing what I can to take my health seriously and hopefully extend my life and increase the quality of that life is important. I had children in my early 40's and I want to make sure that I'm here and in good shape in order to see them get older. This is incredibly important to me.
As for retirement, my thoughts have been fluctuating. Over the last five years I have been adamant that I will be retiring as young as possible. I have been targeting in my mind the age of 55 as my prime retirement age. That is less than five years from now - basically the same amount of time I spent in high school. It's hard to believe that my working career could be coming to a close in that small amount of time. Yet, things at work have been changing. The team around me has been evolving with new people and I'm impressed with them. It's actually been pretty great heading into work lately. It's no vacation by any stretch but work is better than it has been for years. Do I perhaps want to work a bit longer - perhaps out to the age of 60? Maybe... The cost of living is definitely going up so maybe I should work longer and stack up a few more dollars. I think that there is still more that I can learn and contribute in my career. Perhaps my plan will be to work out to 55 and then just play it by ear, year by year, after that. Hopefully I don't become one of those old farts that is in the way though! If I do become that, it will be time to definitely remove myself from the scene.
For now, I think that I've fully come to terms with reaching this age milestone. I'm not as anxious or melancholy as I was back in August. I'm glad. I don't think that I look my age (I've been told so by lots of people so this isn't just my own vain opinion!) and this is something to be thankful for. Indeed, I have a lot to be thankful for. I wish that I could have realized this more fully during the sad, depressed years that I experienced during my 40's. If this first few months of my 50's is any indication of how interesting and positive my future might be, bring it on! I'm looking forward to continuing to get older and wiser and hopefully be able to contribute back to those around me for years to come.
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