Learning a Musical Instrument: What Am I Doing?

Back in the fall of 2019, I decided to learn to play music. This decision was based on some stress relief advice that I received from a musician that I know. At first I was quite skeptical. When I was around twelve years old I tried my hand at playing the organ. After a couple of years and some truly unmotivated practice, I quit. The organ was not a great experience. I was more or less conned into taking organ lessons by someone at a local music school that sold organs (I originally wanted to learn to play the guitar). My father wasted thousands of dollars on an organ that basically became a piece of furniture. Memories of this bad experience was cause for skepticism. Why try picking up another instrument in my forties when I had such a bad experience as a youth and so many more responsibilities? 

I decided to give it a shot. So, I picked up a bass guitar and signed up for some online lessons. It was tough at first. My beliefs in my lack of musical ability were never far from my consciousness. The learning curve and getting my fingers to work with my eyes and ears was steep. But, I started to make progress in fits and starts. I quit a few times and then came back to it with seemingly more skills than before I quit. While challenging, there was definitely something to the advice I received. It is hard to worry about anything while trying to learn an instrument. Despite this, something was missing though. I don't know many musicians (especially entry level musicians) and I don't have any musicians in my family (more jocks and sports fanatics). Learning to play an instrument became a fairly lonely endeavour.

Then the "gear acquisition syndrome" set in. I was bitten badly by this. I started buying basses and guitars. Quite honestly, I wasted a lot of money. I learned a lot about gear though. I can more or less set up a bass or guitar now. That is a tangible skill that I developed while I was "wasting money". So perhaps it was not all a "waste" after all. I finally settled in on some gear - most of it entry level stuff. While going through a bunch of other gear (some of which was downright beautiful stuff), right now I have the following that I play around with:

• Squire Bronco Bass
• Epiphone EB-0 Bass
• Fender Rumble 40 Bass Amplifier
• Epiphone SG VE Electric Guitar
• Yamaha C-40 Classical Guitar
• Yamaha APX500 III Acoustic Guitar
• Joyo 10W Practice Amp

I've taken online lessons through BassBuzz, Scott's Bass Lessons, JustinGuitar, and the Conservatory of Performing Arts at the University of Regina. I have progressed and have some basic skills. I am way ahead of where I was three years ago. No doubt about it.

Yet, I continue to question what I'm doing. Again, I don't know many musicians. I don't have any musicians in my family. I have recently discovered that I have abnormally high cholesterol and that the prescription to fix this is more exercise. I'm a dad of two pre-teen kids who are extremely busy with activities. I am in the final third of my career and there are demands at work that I need to attend to. What am I doing farting around with guitars and basses?!

After practicing both bass and guitar yesterday evening, I woke up this morning seriously questioning whether or no I should continue. Should I sell off all of the gear that I have left? What would I do then? I could put effort into exercising. I could refocus on learning the Japanese language (from a pure "payback" perspective, this would likely do more for me than learning to play music). I could get back into photography and writing. What to do?

I watched the following video this morning. I find some inspiration in this: "Don't quit". Perhaps I should take this to heart. I'm not studying music in order to become a professional musician. It's more of an outlet for stress relief. Perhaps I just need to be clearer on and keep reminding myself of why I started to learn to play an instrument in the first place.

Yet, I'm on the cusp of turning 50. I am entering the "second mountain" phase of my life. It is becoming clear to me that time is precious. I have much less time ahead of me than I had when I was twenty-five and certainly far less than when I was twelve. There is only so much time available in any given day. What should I focus on?